Men and Feminism

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A number of conversations and events have influenced me greatly in the last few months.

My friend was harassed twice while on her way home - on streets that I walk every day. One man attempted to pull her into a car. Another time two guys followed her on bicycles taunting and provoking her. Talking about this with my girlfriend I must admit that I was stunned when she told me that on a weekly basis she is verbally harassed and whistled at from passing cars while walking home – again along a street that I use every day without problem.

(Here by harassment I mean the type of behaviour by men towards women that demeans their person, and reduces them to an object of that man’s desire – be it via a wolf whistle, calling her a slut, or by using physical force i.e. dragging her into a car.)

Thinking about the harassment experienced by women on a regular basis in my neighbourhood caused me to reflect on the nature of gendered space in society. Whereas a man like me walks down his street without fear or confidence, simply assuming his entitlement to do so, from these events described above comes a different picture of women’s experience – even while doing something as simple as walking home my friends and lovers always retain an edge of fear or expectation that the space is not fully theirs, and that they may be challenged in it at any time.

Something else that has been concerning me lately is men’s responses to feminism.



 I use the term Feminism here simply as shorthand for activities (such as gigs, rallies, conversations, behaviours etc) that actively promote female empowerment as a necessary means towards achieving equality for all within our society. One catalyst for these reactions has been the inaugural GrrlFest recently held at Irene’s Warehouse in Brunswick, which was put on to celebrate, support and inspire female artists and musicians in the Melbourne community. (There are some great photos from the event at http://www.samesame.com.au/gallery/18134/Grrl-Fest.htm/photo#1)

Having maintained a close involvement in the organising of the festival since it’s conception, I was disappointed to see a number of patterns emerging from conversations about it.  One typical male response that I must have heard half a dozen times goes something like this – “Why is there a GrrlFest? We don’t have DudeFests,” or “I’m going to put on a DudeFest (haha)”. Now either these men have been comparing notes about what to say before hand, or there is something quite significant going on in the collective subconscious of a generation of educated, technologically enabled and supposedly enlightened men.

Before I get on to what that is, I want to first provide a rebuttal to that commonly occurring statement mentioned above - because it’s very simple (perhaps even bleedingly obvious) and it should only need to be said once. We already live in a DudeFest. Male musicians are overrepresented on every single stage at every single gig that I’ve been to in the last year. While patriarchy may not feed every single male mouth with its rewards, it’s hard to see how men can complain that they don’t have opportunities.

What makes this DudeFest idea frightening is that it is heard in response to an idea that is about creating opportunity for women. There was nothing about GrrlFest that promoted the exclusion of men. Men were involved in it’s organisation, men played in some of the bands, and more than a few men came to GrrlFest for all the right reasons – as audience members keen to support musicians from their community. GrrlFest was not about taking opportunity away from men, which brings me to a key question. Why are men afraid of feminism?

This is quite a challenging question to ask, because it involves a judgement (on these men) that draws an emotional conclusion from many different behaviours. However the vitriol and dismissal of the feminist struggle is everywhere in our culture. Not only is the word feminist used as an insult, even worse, people rarely bother to understand it. It has become acceptable and worse; fashionable, for feminism and feminist opinions or activities (such as GrrlFest) to be dismissed out of hand, without ever giving consideration to their reasons for being. This lack of introspection reveals a type of deliberate intellectual laziness that I attribute to men feeling threatened by the idea of female empowerment. What has surprised me though, and galvanised me into writing this article is seeing this attitude emerge from men within the sub-cultural scenes that I socialise in. These are the very same scenes that proclaim to support the ideas of changing for the better, equality and the struggle against power that feminism is a fundamental part of.

A speech that I once saw by a female speaker whose name I’ve forgotten contained this idea which I’ll paraphrase: when men see a group of women getting together and talking about the issues they get afraid. Why? Because they’re worried that we will take over, and that when we do we will treat them as they have treated us. Because they know that Patriarchy isn’t right.

This idea certainly has some merit. My take on what I have been seeing and hearing from men recently is that through a generational and social process of change, the culture of rebellion has been watered down, leaving us with social actors that pay lip service to great ideas without ever fully taking them to heart or expecting that they might one day have to stand and fight for them. What this leaves us with is a situation where men are incredibly reluctant to step away from their privilege and think about what it is and what it means. Privilege is something that is taken for granted, taken as earned or deserved, and it is reinforced when we attempt to avoid seeing it for what it is – a product of social inequality. For many, the idea of a pervasive male privilege that influences every corner of Australian society, or to put it another way the idea of a deeply sexist society that actively discriminates against women, is simply too large an idea to incorporate into their daily lives. This is because it requires a great stretch of the imagination to put ourselves as men into the place of the other – of women.

Something else that has happened to me recently that has influenced my thinking on these matters was becoming the Father of a baby girl, who is now 19 months old. Suddenly the stretch required to place myself in the shoes of a woman is lessened. Everywhere, every day I find myself thinking about how the world is and will be for my daughter. And it makes me incredibly sad. 

One thing that I am very conscious of however, is that I am not a woman. I have not and will never have to live a woman’s life. And so it is not for me to explain how it must feel to live as a woman in a sexist society, nor to cast judgement on those women who also choose to degrade feminism, or who tell feminist activists to stop complaining and to embrace their freedom. Further more it is the worst mistake for men involved in fighting sexism to earnestly lecture women about how they should struggle and why. What my purpose is, is to question male responses to our society, to provoke conversations amongst men about male privilege and over all to discuss how we as men can benefit from and contribute to the feminist struggle.

What this article is attempting to promote through highlighting certain patterns of behaviour by men, is a self critical awareness of this knee jerk fear wielded against feminism. It manifests itself in so many ugly ways – one of which can be attributed to the (misguided) idea that feminism is a direct and personal attack against men. Personally I do not believe that this is how a true struggle for equality progresses – by victimising or blaming one side or the other. Another thing that has become popular recently seems to be a sort of Fight Club-esque embrace of the cause of ‘lost masculinity’ – something that’s often attributed to the cultural effects of female empowerment. It’s pretty standard to hear guys talking about how we’ve lost our balls, or men aren’t men anymore. Lets be real – the only thing stopping us from being strong and upstanding men in our community is our reluctance to face the things that really exist in our society – one which is patriarchy.

The thing is – patriarchy hurts men too. For every girl that is told that she can’t throw a ball or run a race, there is a boy that is told to be tough, not to cry or to express his emotions. For every daughter that’s given Barbies, there is a son that’s made to feel inadequate if he can’t use tools or isn’t interested in cars. And when we leave our childhood homes, the pressure intensifies to remain within the tightly written boundaries of what is normal and permitted within the capitalist patriarchy that we live in. To deconstruct patriarchy and privilege would be to build a world where the opportunities for exploration were endless. A world where 50% of the human species aren’t treated as inferior or made to struggle simply to have their talents recognised, is a world with a massively increased potential. A world where 1 in 5 women over 15 (in Australia) HAVEN’T experienced sexual assault? I don’t think I even need to explain why that would be an improvement.

So what it comes down to is this – there are two paths. There is an easy way, and a hard way. And the easy way involves doing nothing – letting the world continue as it is and shutting yourself off from anything that would challenge or frustrate you. But the hard way involves tackling those things head on, by being introspective, thoughtful, respectful of others and actively critiquing the behaviour of yourselves and those around you. And the reward for the hard way is that together we build a better world. For our daughters, and for our sons. For our lovers and friends. For us all. Seems simple really, doesn’t it?